


Humanity's not so strongest

by sihaiya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Era, Canon Universe, Character Study, Dom/sub Undertones, M/M, spoilers up to ch.68
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 06:04:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3757222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sihaiya/pseuds/sihaiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What messes Levi up about choices it's really not regret.<br/>Or: Sihaiya plays around with a new concept of Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Humanity's not so strongest

Levi has not always known it, it took a while for him to realize this about himself. The first time he's sure he needed Farlan and his little cunning mind giving him support and direction, something that before, when he was living left to himself or with Kaney, he didn't have.

He has a tendency to forget too, circumstances dictating his life, forcing him to act and take decisions on the spur of the moment, but someone always ends by pointing it to him in roundabout ways, making him remember.

This time it's Eren.

Rodd Reiss taken down, a new queen acclaimed, the usual and unusual shit taken care of and finally they all have some time to rest. He doesn't even remember for how long he's been on the edge without a break so far, but now Erwin is back and he can take a breath of relief. Tomorrow he will worry again, but tonight he's determined not to think about anything anymore.

At least until Eren knocks at his door.

After all the boy has been through, Levi doesn't have the heart to shoo him to regain his peace and so he permits him to come in. He's so tired that he doesn't even try to stand up from the bottom of his bed, where he's sitting using the wall as an impromptu backrest, just following Eren entering the room with his eyes.  

The young titan shifter is worn out from his transformation, but a new ancient light shines in his eyes, that determination Eren seemed to have lost in that cave. He looks older, always the same at a first glance, but definitely another person in his eyes. Even his bearing appears more confident and Levi isn't surprised when he drops down, sitting on the bed beside him, more curious than annoyed if he has to be honest.

"I wanted to thank you, sir."

Eren's words are soft and contain an odd inflection, as if he'd been waiting for something. Levi just arches an eyebrow without saying anything or even turning towards him, giving him the permission to go ahead. The truth is he feels uncertain, maybe because he doesn't know what to expect from him, but still he prepares himself, 'cause he cannot help the way too many years and too much shit on his shoulders molded him.

"You could have ordered me around dozens of times, but when it mattered you always gave me the right to choose."

Eren's voice is soft, again, charged with respect and a tinge of fondness and Levi holds his breath for a moment because this is so close and so far away from the truth at the same time that the only thing he'd do is to laugh with bitterness at the irony and he really doesn't want Eren thinking he's laughing at him.

It's true, he always gave him the right to choose, but what Eren cannot imagine is why. He tends forgot, by now to him has become a natural reaction, something he does without even thinking about, but now he remembers.

Now he can remember how liberating it feels to be relieved from the heaviness of the choice 'cause someone else is doing it on his behalf, how after Isabel and Farlan's death more and more often he delegated that to Erwin, how even before he did the same with Farlan, trusting his judgment most of the times, letting him lead their little patched up family.

It's not like he's not able to choose for himself, he can manage quite well and he had done it plenty of times. And it's not like what he fears about choosing is regret, when he shared with Eren his thoughts in that damn forest he was honest. It's only that taking decisions is not in his nature. He's made to follow, to fulfill someone else will, to make his body and his strength available to care and protect at command and when he's forced to take the lead he feels so uneasy that he barely can stand it.

Make others choose in his place has become a habit by now, to him it's a way to survive to himself and most of the times he doesn't notice what he's doing anymore, but then... can he let Eren making him take the credit for this? He's not a man of many words, but this time he feels he has to speak, 'cause he's not sure he could live with Eren's respect if he leaves it like this.

"I'm sorry."

His words are whispered, his eyes right in front of him, avoiding to meet the other's. He doesn't know how long he's been quiet and he doesn't care, 'cause Eren has always been good at listening to his silences, but feeling his bewilderment Levi sighs and then starts again, collecting his hands on his lap.

"I've been a shitty superior, didn't I?" He mutters, unable to hide his bitter tone. "You got so much on you and I only added weight on your shoulders..."

Eren giggles, shrugging. "Weren't you listening? I told you I'm grateful for it." His tone is cheeky and playful and Levi is right about throwing at him a curt annoyed answer when he's interrupted by another chuckle, this time not so happy. "It almost overwhelmed me, but now I know what I am and what to do, and it's also thanks to you."

Again he seems so much older. His voice is low, sour, and with a tinge of finality that really doesn't suit in Levi's ears the boy with grass and skies in the eyes and the sun in his smile.

"Still you were ready to let that fucker eat you."

Levi cannot help it, now he has no filter left. He's not sure he likes this new Eren, he misses his lightness. He's not sure he likes for his Hope to be so battered and he can't find a good reason not to say it aloud.

"Still you were ready to let me do it." Eren replies, still serious, but with a glint of playful challenge in his tone.

"It's not that I'd have liked it." Levi shrugs, stating without words the simple truth that yes, he'll have sacrificed him if needed, 'cause personal preferences aside they still have others to think about.

"But we do what we have to do." Eren concludes in his place, nodding once before returning quiet, as if for him there was nothing left to say.

"Now you sound just like Erwin." Levi mutters, grumpy. He tries to play it cool, to appear being joking, but he's still not fully satisfied, even if he can't grasp why.

"Then?" Eren giggles with amusement. "Would you like me to command you too, sir?"

It took a great effort to Levi not to intake a rough breath at this. Eren sounds playful, without a double meaning, he has to be, but to him the situation suddenly seems too much similar to some of his unspoken fantasies and this is not good at all. 

"Go sleep Eren."

He dismisses the boy with a sigh, trying not to linger on the curve of his nape, on the long fingers now trailing through that soft mop of hair, trying not to think about how it could be if this absurd conversation was really meaning something more than the mirror of the vain hopes of an old fool.

Eren doesn't reply. He just stands up with fluid movements, wishing him good night. He stops only when he reaches the door, turning towards him with a contemplative expression on his features.

"When it will be... will you leave me the choice?"

It's a cryptic statement and Levi isn't sure of what the other is talking about. His pining mind hopes to be right in misunderstanding this, but he already knows that the answer is the same whatever the topic in question was. He stays silent for a couple of instants and then he decides for a half truth, something that should hurt no one, at least for now.

"Perhaps..."

Eren doesn't reply, he only nods once, a wide grin stretching his lips at his response. And then he's gone, after wishing him good night again, leaving Levi with the sensation that something is changed between them tonight, although in truth nothing apparently has, although in truth he cannot even say what.


End file.
